Giving birth on the Riviera:

Millions of women do it every day all over the world so why should giving birth in this part of the world be a big deal? Well let’s face it, when the stork stops on the roof of your Riviera residence, this is the very first time for YOU! You are away from your family and dealing with a language and culture that are perhaps not your own so yes it is a big deal! The good news is that with preparation and planning there is no reason why it shouldn’t run smoothly.

The preparation – practical tips:

The easy part is finding out how things happen down in this part of the world and you should take as many short cuts as possible. I suggest making friends with other mothers who have already been through the experience and tap into their INVALUABLE advice and knowledge. Do not think you can go it alone. Even prenatal exams will different from those in your home country, not to mention the way the doctors calculate the ‘due date’ which may again be later or earlier than in your home culture. Find out as much as possible on what happens prior, during and after the birth and which local paediatrician your friends recommend. Nothing is better or worse than in your country just DIFFERENT

As far as baby furniture and clothes are concerned, DON’T rush out and buy as there are many mothers looking for a good home for clothes and equipment that their offspring have grown out of. No one has space to store down here so you will be doing people a favour. As I write I know of a mother wishing to offload baby girl clothes so post on Facebook saying what you are looking for or on the New Women Networking page and you never know your luck. Your baby doesn’t know or care if the clothes/equipment are new or second-hand, so save yourself some cash to use on yourself later on!

Be realistic:

Looking after a baby is a life changing experience and really hard work. Once the congratulatory flowers have died and the friends stop calling or popping in to congratulate you, you are on YOUR OWN. Do not underestimate the loneliness and often desperation/depression that can set in once you realise that you can no longer go the gym, the hairdressers, shopping or any of those activities that you once did alone without baby in tow…….

Get help:

Most new mothers face a brave new world thinking they are going to do it differently and that they certainly don’t need outside help. Not only will you need help down here as there is no family to fall back on but you will need to get yourself organised early on if you are planning to go back to work and want to secure a place in a good crèche for your baby. I truly recommend getting a mother’s help or nanny if you can afford to do so and have the space to accommodate one. This will bring some much-needed sanity back into your life. You will certainly need one if you are working for yourself but not only to cover your working hours but also to make sure you leave some gaps for sport so that you can help your body and mind regain their past mental and physical shape.

Don’t feel guilty:

Many new mothers feel they should constantly feel ‘blessed’ and ‘grateful’ 24/7 for having this wonderful baby (they even write about it on social media but more to convince themselves than anyone else) and yet you will almost certainly feel the opposite after being woken every two hours for weeks on end and feeling constantly brain dead and exhausted, not to mention wondering whatever happened to your relationship with your partner. Sleep deprivation is a killer. Kick the guilt trip immediately and feel free to do ‘deals’ with other mothers and friends so that you can get back out into the world and forget about the baby for a while or at least find another mother with whom you can have a good honest moan from time to time.

Don’t be over ambitious about visiting the family:

Travelling from the Riviera to wherever the Grandparents live is going to be much more of an ordeal than you could ever in your wildest dreams have imagined. Transport delays with crying, hungry, frustrated babies measure about level 9 on the Richter scale of undesirable situations. Even in the best of circumstances prepare to be a nervous wreck and where possible get the family to come and see YOU. Your normally angelic car seat baby will turn into a mountaineering monster once restricted on your lap in a plane seat not to mention once they become toddlers and want to run up and down the aisle pressing the keys on other peoples laptops – oh joy of joys and you just want to shut your eyes and scream “beam me up Scottie”.

Handling conflict with your partner:

Once you have both got over the first “honeymoon fortnight’ and the sleep deprivation and hard reality of your new life as THREE sets in, then the disagreements can start. Sometimes based on jealousy – he’s jealous because you’re devoting your attention to the baby and not him and you’re jealous because he gets to leave you with the donkey work while he disappears off to the office and then gets all the smiles and play with the baby before bedtime without the chores. When disagreements arise, make time to discuss them. If that approach doesn’t work and you both need to clear the air right away, then try to keep the argument focused on the issue that's bothering you. Tell your partner clearly why you're upset. If you're vague, insinuate or make your partner guess, you probably won't resolve anything.

Manage your expectations:

The more prepared you are for this to be a challenging as well as a joyful experience, the easier it will be for you to face the tough moments. Remember that having a baby away from your native country means you cannot just pop in and see your Mum for some friendly advice or dump the baby and run. Living in a flat with a baby is NOT the same as having a spacious house and garden and this tiny creature comes with a container load of accessories, so plan and prepare. My biggest shock was to find that my baby didn’t sit still and smile all day long like the ones in the Mothercare catalogue and likewise they have absolutely NO respect for those cute little outfits you spend a fortune on to dress them in! Good luck, enjoy the experience where you can and where you can’t you know where to find me

Judy can be contacted by email on judy.churchill@orange.fr or via her website www.Judychurchill.com