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The Riviera Divorce
Living the expatriate dream and losing your relationship
For many couples around the English-speaking world, the idea of relocating to the Riviera is a dream. And for some, it’s a dream they dare to make a reality. Few think, when they set out for a new life in the Mediterranean, that one day they may be living there alone or even going through a divorce in a foreign country.
Yet unfortunately the reality is that many couples do not survive the transition from their native country to the sunny South of France. Sometimes, it's the reality of the move itself that appears responsible for the breakdown of the relationship - one partner wants to stay and another wishes to return home, for example, or the financial strains of relocation end up taking their toll. Other times, the marital problems exist unrelated to the change of lifestyle.
Either way, dealing with divorce in a foreign country can add complications to an already difficult and painful situation.
A new life, a new marriage?
No one appreciates this more than Liz*, who moved from London to Menton with her husband in 2001.
"You know how sometimes a couple has a baby to save their marriage? Well sometimes a couple moves to save their marriage too. They think that if they change their environment the problem will go away but it doesn’t, it just gets moved to a sunnier location and it can multiply."
Relocating to the South of France had been Liz's estranged husband’s idea. At the time she had a career in the British media as a DJ, but she agreed to move, believing that it might be the last chance to save their failing marriage. They invested in an apartment in Menton and, as Liz is half Italian, also a house just over the border in Italy.
Their plans for a fresh start were, however, doomed from the beginning and Liz says her relationship began to deteriorate just days after they arrived on the Riviera.
"I was heartbroken," she confesses, "and I tried to fight to turn it around but I think I was beaten emotionally. My work was in London and there wasn't much I could do in the same line here. Besides, I think you kid yourself that things will be better when you arrive somewhere new but if you have issues in the first place I think it's likely to send your relationship to an early coffin." On arriving in France, one of the major issues for Liz and her partner had been the language: Liz spoke both French and Italian whilst her husband spoke neither. This meant that she had the pressure of being the main communicator for both of them and it also restricted them from making new friends.
Sense of isolation
Her husband had no interest in going out to meet new people, especially French or Italian speaking, while at the same time Liz was struggling to meet like-minded people her own age in the Anglophone community. As a couple they were isolated and she ended up getting a job in Vallauris, as much to get out and mix with local people as much as to earn a living.
"I think the problem with a lot of expats is that they come abroad with an English mentality and they think they will have the same life but with sunshine. Actually you need to research before you move to another country, and it's not only about speaking the language but also understanding the culture. I think a lot of Anglophones don't do the groundwork before they come here and then it turns out to be not as they were expecting. It can cause a lot of problems in a relationship."
Forced over the border
Liz ultimately left her husband in 2007 and it was then that she discovered how difficult it can be to separate outside of the UK. Her partner had emptied their shared savings account and had occupied their home in Italy. Consulting a British lawyer, she was told that she could file for a divorce in the UK but that the courts there wouldn't be able to divide the shared assets: that would need to be done in Italy, where their joint-owned property was located and where it was only possible to sell the house if both parties agreed. As a result, Liz has had to register her marriage in Italy and is now in the process of taking her estranged husband through the Italian legal system. "I was living in Menton, ten minutes from the Italian-French border, but while I was in France and he was in Italy I couldn't do anything to touch him. I think if children had been involved I would have had the law on my side, but as there aren't, the criminal element of the case is totally disregarded in Italy because it is a divorce." To make matters worse, Liz found it impossible to find support and guidance and has had to find most information out for herself.
Previously The RT has reported on the differences between various EU countries in regards to settlement procedure - the fact is that in each country a law has evolved that relates to the individual cultural, religious and social habits of that particular nation.
A different story
Liz's case is particularly complicated and, of course, not all divorce situations on the continent prove as difficult.
Jessica* moved to the South of France with her boyfriend after they had been dating for only four months. He was relocating for work and after initially thinking she wouldn't join him, she decided to give it a try. "I thought why not? I could always go home if it didn't work out. It's ironic because now I'm the one who's settled abroad and he's the one who's practically living back in the UK."
The complete opposite of Liz, Jessica believes that coming abroad meant she and her ex-partner stayed together for longer than they would have done if they had stayed in the UK: “I had my own life in London, a bit too much, but once we'd moved away we had a joint life together.” They also had a great time. Jessica didn't work, became proficient in French and, along with the wives and girlfriends of her husband's colleagues, had a brilliant "Club Med" lifestyle.
After 18 months, her boyfriend was relocated again, to America, then a year later he was posted back to France, to the Riviera, and at this point Jessica told him she wasn't coming unless he made a commitment. “I guess the situation did push us into marriage, Because we were abroad I needed that extra security. Being away from home there is a feeling that at any moment this could end and if you don't have your own life, which I didn't, you would have to move back to the UK and pick everything up where you left off years before.”
Friendly support network
A year and a half after returning to France, they moved to Nice and this time Jessica got a job and made her own friendship group away from her husband’s colleagues; it meant that when they split last year she wasn't worried about divorcing outside of the UK. Her friends here formed a support network, she had her own income and her family were only a plane ride away.
"I think if I'd been in Australia it would have been a different kettle of fish," she muses, "but coming from the UK and being anywhere else in Europe I can't see why separating would be a problem, unless you didn't have a life independent of your partner's." She admits that for professional reasons she did consider returning to London but she didn’t want to leave the Côte. When a career opportunity arose in a new business on the Riviera everything fell into place.
Divorce: UK vs France
Now divorcing her husband amicably, Jessica says that she’s found the French system easy and quick in comparison with the one in the UK.
“Obviously I’ve not been through this in England before but I did consult a London-based lawyer for advice before filing for divorce. He basically said: ‘You’re entitled for half, go for half.’ I thought this was harsh considering I hadn’t been working for a lot of the time I was married, I felt the British system was pushing me to go for more than I deserved. I would also have had to have proved that I had been separated for two years, which I didn’t have to do in France.”
John*, who has experienced divorce in the UK previously, agrees with Jessica that it can be simple to end a marriage in France. The Brit’s marriage to his third wife, an Italian he met a few months after settling on the Riviera, ended last year.
“Obviously there’s millions of documents, this is France after all,” he laughs, “and you have to physically appear in court, which I never had to do in Britain, but other than that it’s been easy.” Not speaking French, he gets documents translated and will have a lawyer and a friend in court to help interpret.
John points out that, whether in the UK, the States or France, divorce can always be straightforward as long as everything is agreed on. “That’s why it’s important not to get embroiled in anger and recrimination, only the lawyers win then.” Jessica too says that she works hard to avoid arguments, “because once you start with an ex, you’ll never stop.” If anyone proves this it’s Liz, for whom such friendly terms are a distant dream. “If we’d split our assets it would have been better for both of us but my husband’s bitterness has meant we’ve ended up in this awful situation,” she shrugs.
Like Jessica, John admits that when his wife left him, he did think about returning to Britain... for five minutes. “This place keeps me young,” he smiles, “I’ve got my friends, a house, a business. Besides, with three women for every one man I’ve got a better chance of meeting a new girlfriend here than in England!”
Not so hard
So it would seem that breaking up can be hard to do when you’re far from home, but it can be simple too.
Even Liz, who remains frustrated by the lack of progress or support remains positive: “I want to find a solution and I want to make things better but I don’t regret anything. It’s a waste of energy.” "I think it’s stupid to say you wish you hadn't done this or that,” Jessica agrees. “The fact is that if I hadn't been married or moved abroad for my partner then I wouldn't be here now and I'm happy."