Careers
Be Your Own Best Friend
Your life is a mirror of how you feel about yourself.
Hmmn… have a think: does that make you feel happy or rather uncomfortable?
Yes, it is true. Your outside world reflects what is going on inside you. Are you putting up with things that are reflecting badly on you? For example, an unhappy relationship, dead-end job or friends that let you down?
I am sure that you will know of someone who is a highly successful career woman with seemingly a great life, however, is constantly let down by men and is treated badly. Well, it is all to do to with how you see yourself and how you consciously or unconsciously treat yourself. Others will literally mirror this back to you.
Therefore, in order to start making changes, it is necessary to look at how you treat yourself and in my experience as a Performance and Leadership Coach and Trainer, most people seem to treat themselves as if they really dislike themselves (often hate) and this can sometimes be ever so subtle or overt, with extreme acts of self-sabotage.
I’ll share with you some simple examples from my life to show you what I mean.
I like cooking and have dinner parties quite regularly, whether it is for one friend or a small group. I always ensure that my home looks nice and often buy fresh flowers especially for the occasion. Years ago, through having coaching myself, I realized that I only ever bought fresh flowers when my friends were going to be coming into my home i.e. not just for me. It was as if I was saying to myself that I did not deserve to have fresh flowers in my home for only me to appreciate. Therefore, I changed that way of thinking and I often buy fresh flowers just for me, when I am not expecting any guests. It sounds such a simple idea, yet it is such a powerful message to give myself. I do know people who buy fresh flowers every week.
Staying with the subject of food, a client of mine whom to protect client confidentiality, I will call Rebecca had got into the habit of feeding herself unhealthy convenience food (ready meals), had put on weight and was unhappy with herself. I asked her this question: If your best friend was coming to dinner, would you serve them a ready meal? Basically, she understood that she was treating herself to junk food yet she loved cooking when friends and family came round.
That is where my idea of ‘Be Your Own Best Friend’ originated. We so often make-do in life yet will treat others with more love, acceptance and respect than we do ourselves. If you want to be treated better by others, you have to start treating yourself better i.e. treat yourself as you would your best friend.
Would you beat your best friend up every time that they made a mistake? No.
Would you say to your best friend that they looked ugly today? No.
Would you say to your best friend that they were no good? No.
Would you say to your best friend that they were unlovable? No.
Would you say to your best friend that they do not deserve success? No.
Incidentally, if you do say any of these things to your best friend, I guarantee that they will not remain a friend of yours for long…
So, what changes can you make in your life that will show love to yourself?
Could you start smiling at yourself more? Laughing when you do something silly? Could you say ‘I love you’ to yourself (and really mean it) in the mirror every morning and night? Give it a go. You may find it easier than you think.
Could you tidy up your home more or throw out the holey jumpers?
Could you choose a more expensive type of toiletries instead of a ‘value’ brand – just for a change?
It may not be thrifty however, as I enjoy my cups of tea so much every day, I drink a more expensive brand (Twining’s actually) because it helps me to give myself a little message of love.
If you feel that there are opportunities in your life to show yourself more love, I would really like to hear from you and help you. I am researching what women put up with in their lives and how they treat themselves, as part of a book.
Please email me your thoughts on info@rachelbamber.com Thank you.