Can I do you now, Sir? - Value your hired help……

Unable to afford a therapist? - try looking a little closer to home - in some cases, literally, at home.

We like to think that 'Upstairs, Downstairs' or 'Downton Abbey' as nostalgic, fictional accounts of yesteryear, but think again. How many of us buy-in help - gardeners, nannies, au pairs, and…..for many of us, that saviour of many an occasion…the cleaning 'lady'. I say 'lady', because I did, once, have a cleaning chappie, or rather he came free with his good lady wife. She had many anxieties and 'not-able-to-do's - sometimes about things directly related to cleaning, which was not helpful. Enter the 'free' husband. He vacuumed (she did not like dust-cleaners), did most of the heavy work (she did not move furniture), mostly cleaned the house (she had cleaning -product-related allergies) and was chauffeur. However, as a confidante and somebody who knew the family yet did not move amongst us, she was a treasure and I miss her, even now, many years on.

From the wider circle of pals who have help, a catalogue of anecdotes have built-up over the years concerning our magic Mrs Mopps - where are the TV series or films which pay homage to this irreplaceable wonder? One such employee routinely ruined most of a husband's shirt collection- especially the white ones, or rather, went into the machine white, only to emerge from the washing cycle as some other colour …another dear soul, tired from years of mindless dusting, decided, on one visit, to reject the housework altogether and instead dug-over the garden. A harmless action, but unwelcome by the lady-of-house, who was rather looking forward to a bit of weekend soil-tilling herself. She was replaced by a 'help' who fused the house on the first visit, resulting in a hefty repair bill- plus ça change!

My personal favourite - inspiration for this piece - belonged to a dear copain who so enjoyed the weekly help visits, that he did the cleaning tasks himself and acted as crying-shoulder to a much troubled cleaning lady- her family life was awful, with even bleaker prospects and a ne'er-do-well husband…she was paid in full and left the house each week in rather better shape than when she arrived - both seemed happy with the arrangement. Could 'reciprocal therapy' be the new trend…..?Remember where you heard it first!.

Media culture has given our ladies who 'do' a mixed airing- the iconic 'Butterflies', (thank you, Carla Lane), gave us a wonderfully grumpy one, Julie Walters crowned it all with Mrs Overall, under the genius of Victoria Wood - there will be no finer.

The message here then is that the relationship can be cross-beneficial and in no way cruel. Our (often) silent visitors (one lady could yell for hours over the thrum of any loud electrical appliance, the neighbours knew her woes, as did I whether or not I wanted to) see our most intimate areas - so to speak - from underwear drawers, to unsavoury bathrooms. As with trained counsellors, they keep their own counsel, mostly show superior discretion and see us at our worst. But, through it all, they continue to let the cat out, polish the dog and, at Christmas, often leave us gifts when we forget them. I propose a National Day for Cleaning Staff, or at the very least a monument.