Santa's Secret Message: Out of Office Reply

To All the Children of the World

I hate Round Robin's , forgive me, I've just discovered e-mail and think it is jolly fun. After all these years of reading your delightful letters, it's now my turn to write to you! For many years, I've been very worried about some world developments which only I can see, from Lapland; now listen carefully….

Many, many years ago, so far back in time no records exist, a strange sect, meeting in silence, speaking in code, swore an oath which, roughly translated, is thought to mean. 'keep the receipt'. Their mission? To fight the 'Me-Me' sect - a cruel gang, driven by a neo- economic ideology, where individuals had their anxiety thresholds raised by being made to want - only at a specific time of the year - odd items such as 'fairy dust', protective covers for cooker hobs and egg-timers in the shape of the US President.

Throughout history, public (some fictional) figures - Queen Victoria, Maria von Trapp, Ben Hur, emerge to continue the Me-Me sect's traditions. Over the past millennia, each December, they have separated you from your disposable income, forced you to exchange tokens of 'shared value' (gifts), and spend time with 'Sartre's People' (those Hellish ones, of which he spoke)- I simply call them friends and family. Watching old re-runs of movies and British comedy classics, the only respite allowed in this cruel period of the year.

This annual migration of cash and (now) credit, from one set of people, has been gradually directing itself to a wider set of people, suggesting that the 'receipt' sect may be on the rise at last. Focussing on disadvantage - either domestically or across the globe - at the 'season of sharpe elbows' is itself a return to the traditional message of Yuletide. Linked to the physical change of seasons, this mid-winter event was all my idea, many generations ago, but it has been hijacked. I intended it to cheer people up, not create sorrow and suffering - or Christmas lunch, as it is sometimes known.

Igloo-Arrest

During the summer, when my little helpers were hard at work, I arranged for the Receipts and the Me-Me's to come together, to find a resolution to the long-running argument about where the money should go. The talks did not go well. The Me-me's became agitated and put me under Igloo Arrest for spreading anti-Me thoughts, fearing that the worldwide purchase of meaningless objects might fall, in favour of the alternative, giving to charity, thus giving power to the Receipt sect.

So, it's up to you now, children….if all you ask for is toys, one day maybe the Me-Me's might come for you too…If, on the other hand, you show compassion for others, perhaps, one day your gift will come back to you……..

….it's your choice. Merry Christmas!!!!!

Love and Best wishes

Mrs Samantha Claus

PS. The igloo will melt by Spring, I will be free then…